1997

this is the year that i am 9 years old. i am the youngest, and my siblings all girls. i have two sisters, which me and my sisters have a large gap in age. whom my first sister is 28 y.o, and my second sister is 27 y.o. whilst, im still 21 y.o. huhuhu..

and please do not ask me why our age quite vary... plus, i never ask my mom about this. But one thing for sure, my sisters being taken care of my grandma at kampung, till they were 12y.o then my mom send them to boarding school. So, to give a clear picture, i never thought that i have sisters till in 1997. they come back home after they're got long holidays from boarding school.

There and then, theres a lot of conflicts goin on. i seem doesn't like the idea of having sisters since i love the life being 'anak tunggal' (the only child). My sis keep bullying me, becuz they said im too spoiled. which at my side, i think that my privacy in the house is getting reduce or in other words LIMITED. I am very furious when theres alot of routine things i did had interrupted by them. Then, i often let go of my tensions (other than crying at the bed by ) by expressing myself in Art form.

My sis always trying to push me to do the households which for god sake, im still 9 y.o. and i always broken the glasses. My mom always warned me not to get near to the kitchen. But my sis always take opportunities whenever my mom does not at home. They force me to clean my own room, wash the dishes, clean the house, screaming at my ears, hit me and so forth.

But, the main things that i want to write now is not bout them. Its bout the year that i found out i have so many interests in music, fashion, and drawing (everything that Art lah).

I remembered i won the 3rd place for drawing's competition ( the competition participated by thousands of kids) which at that time im only 6 y.o. The competition held at melaka. And i stil remembered after i get back home, the radio tuned the bonjovi's song and i started to humming the song.

And, back in 1997. Backstreet Boys was publish their first single and very popular songs 'i'll never break your heart' and that year also Hitz.fm started to exist. My neighbour had backstreet boy's album and borrowed. And every single day, i listen to their songs and i can finally memorized their songs. i've become their no.1 fans unofficially. hahaahha.

One thing that i really glad that i started to love backstreet boys, at least my english language is improved. Living in a small town where u dun have the chance to communicate in english, even my parents never trying to teach me english. I just take my own efforts, i learned english by listening to the radio ( ofcuz hitz.fm), television, bought english album ( i bought the boyz 2 men,mariah carey, Max complications,third eye blind etc). i learned the pronunciation from the singers. Which, unconsciously i had the American's accent. Until today.

Then, back in school all my friends started to admire me cause i know so much about english's songs. i still remembered when i was 12 y.o. i sang 'truly madly deeply' by savage garden with my best friends, ayu at school's backyard.. and we skipped sembahyang asar and always give excuses to the Ustaz that we're having our 'period'! hahaha... so notty that time.

The fashion interest started wen i watched too much Disney cartoon, and even my dad bought their books. I always imagine myself wearing those beautiful garments! and, due to my creativity.. i draw a 'human' and with some 'clothes' , and make a match-try with paper. huuhu...

Thus, the writing interest also emerge when i love to wrote poem how to reflects my feeling. And, i still remembered when i was 11 y.o. my parents almost divorced and theres a lot of things going on.... so much tenses and i tink that is why i have become such a 'critical thinker' nowadays.

this might a lil bit funny becuz all my frens always said that i have this such fucking helpless BLUR face when ppl trying to talk to me. and i always give late reaction. I thought i might be a lil bit abnormal hahaa, but my counseling lecturer told me that for those person who had this kinda blur problem, its not due to their slow thinking but its cuz of too much thoughts going on at their head! . And, for people who love mathematics and physics commit such problem also. This is not becuz they're slow, its just technically.. OUR thinking is way too fast than average ppl! huhu thus, that fast cognitive basically cannot being presented in a average speed.

huuh.. The year of 1997 had changed me so much as a person. I found that i have sisters ( so, for now i have become a tolerated person). Its one thing that if you have siblings, you learned to give and take. Even its not that cool! huhuh.. but its not that i might want to state the only child tu... tak pandai give and take!! huh. its depend on individually though...

Life can only make u happy if u re-state your mind that you can't make urself being lovely and acceptable to all of this people in universe. Learn to accept urself and say

" I AM ME, THERES ONLY ONE 'ME' IN THIS WORLD, MAKE URSELF UR OWN ENTITY"

Embrace urself if u do mistakes ( make it as experience), and... if people cant say that u r SPECIAL enuf for them, its ok.. u dun have to force urself to be special.

:)

can girls and boys be bestfriends without affection?

I still remember when i was a kid, my bestfren is my neighbor who is a boy. His name is hafiz and im 3 years older than him. Hes the first one who ever influence me to listen to backstreet boys's album when i was 9 years old.

So there and then, i started to play football, calling roger roger, wrestling and all boys' game. Till my mom warned me to behave like a girl or else she will send me to religious school so i can be mould to be SOPAN ( decent ).

Former,I have a lots of boy friends compare to girl friends, its due to my perangai yang nakal nak mampos... i even dare to baling batu kat kepala budak laki.. cuz i feel superior due to my height is higher than them.

Eventhough, I've bullied enough all my frens,as times goes by and we'd grow, suddenly i am pendek than those guys... hence, we're still a good friends but in turn, they bully me back! :)

Nowadays, its hard to find guy friends like what i got from primary school....... the understanding is.. if u befriend with guys , its going to be a feeling , affection, emotional, love, or anything that you wana call it...

I just wanna have guy friends that can be my accompany through easy and pains, boleh gelak2 bagai nak gila di kedai mamak, can shopping2 together, can build up networking in any aspects and lots more.

But instead, HERE IN MYSPACE....... i just don't know whether myspace had been consideration to be A FLIRTING's site, whilst friendster is a FRIEND's site..and BLOGSPOT only for interest of people who love reading or just plainly inborn stalker?

One good example, a guy would befriend with me if they think im single... but when the truth is prevailing, gradually......... they will go away from me.

This is such a sad story though... i just wanna befriends.. and can be my geng to melepak2... funny enuf.. as im getting older, my guy friends r becoming few.

Here are my guy friends that still can lepak2 with me but hey, they still got special gf.......... Azri, hafizi, and cacak....

hopefully, our society would be more open minded... doesnt mean that, when u started a frenship outside ur college or school.. it was meant to be more than friend?

think wise.